Tall Poppy Diaries

Observations and musings on life as a happy high-achiever (or what the Aussie's call a "Tall Poppy" ). "Unless you choose to do great things with it, it makes no difference how much you are rewarded, or how much power you have." --Oprah Winfrey

Monday, January 31, 2005


  How Important Is The Father/Daughter Connection?

(UPDATE: I have today's post in the hopper and ready to go. But your comments on this post have had me on an emotional rollercoaster all morning, opening my eyes to experiences that are touching, gut-wrenching, hopeful and inspiring. Since I put this post up late yesterday afternoon, I will leave it up a couple more hours this morning and then will publish my post on "Guy Friends". Thanks SO much for sharing your wonderful stories with me. The more I get to know you all, the more I appreciate how blessed I am to know you...)

I have been busy taking care of a VERY sick child (yes, this is the 7th school day in a row that I have had at least one sick child at home with me. At this rate, we may as well hire a full-time nurse...) AND trying to get ready to leave for five days and haven't had time to post anything today--until now. I was prompted to write after reading KJ's contribution to "Tall Poppy Days" later in the week. All of the stories are SO fabulous, I can hardly wait for you all to have a chance to peruse them. But KJ very casually struck on something in her post that I just HAD to get your thoughts on it.

She says as an aside in her story, "I suppose my Dad was more progressive than most men at the time, and he helped out with our rearing as much as she did. We never really had babysitters, as my Dad would get us off to school, and my Mom would get home as our bus was pulling up."

This passage struck a chord that I have heard from so many Tall Poppies--that their fathers played a VERY important role in their lives. He didn't just provide for the family and show up for dinner. He was a caregiver. He supported his children emotionally. And he supported the mother as well. I have heard from other Tall Poppies that, though their fathers were out of the picture, there was a VERY strong, loving father figure in their life who showed up for recitals and ballgames and let them know how spectacular he thought they were.

So many times, it seems that women who lose their way--who become angry, bitter teen-agers and adults--lack that "unconditional love" connection with an adult male early in life. I have friends who tell me that their lack of a close relationship with their father haunts them in ALL of their relationships. They lack confidence and suffer from low self-esteem because their fathers never taught them that they were "worthy". Their mothers could tell them and show them how special and beloved they were, but her love never filled the hole left by the absent or emotionally-distant father. They never felt "worthy" of a man's time and attention because their father had seemingly never felt that they were worthy. And on...and on.

I was so blessed to have a father who showed up for EVERY dance recital; who served as PTA President three different times; who drove me two hours each way and sat around alone in Florence, AL for hours while I went on dates with my long-distance high school sweetheart, etc., etc. I grew up knowing that I was WORTH something. As a result, I wasn't promiscuous. I didn't drink (even though all of my friends did). I didn't smoke or do drugs (even though most of my friends did those things, too). I never wanted to disappoint my parents. And I wanted to stay out of trouble.

As much as my mother worshipped the ground I walked on (it's true. She did.), I honestly think that it may have been my father who had the greater influence over the person I became. So, I'd love to know...Do you have any thoughts on the Father/Daughter connection? And who was the greatest influence in YOUR life? (jumping in later to add...) And do you think that the father-figure/daughter connection is a make or break situation (as in "You need to have a strong, loving relationship with a father-figure as a child or you suffer"), or are some people just "programmed" to be more resilient and strong than others are when the Father/Daughter connection is weak?

Listed on 
BlogShares Listed on BlogShares My Bloginality is ENFP!!!

< ? Blogging Mommies # >