Lexicon 101

OK, everyone. Why not spice up your posts with a bit of the latest American Lexicon? Here's a brief tutorial, courtesty of Tall Poppy Diaries--AND The Daily Candy: San Francisco. Oh, and yes, it might be helpful to take a few notes. Trust me.

beighborhood n. Area populated by good-looking people. ("Let's go downtown. Fifth Street has turned into a total beighborhood.")

DIZO n. Acronym. Describes (busy, working, all-too-typical) couple: Dual Income, Zero Orgasm.

Earnest Hemorrhage n. A man who is oppressively forthcoming with every thought and feeling. Antonym: Ernest Hemingway, linguistically stingy author.

foxymoron n. One who is incredibly dumb but incredibly cute, who simultaneously attracts and repels. ("I'm so ashamed. I hooked up with that foxymoron last night.")

GHaG n. Acronym. Girl-Hating Girl. The one whose only friends are guys.

hobeau n. A less-than-hygienic boyfriend. ("Better open the window. Here come Gloria and her hobeau.")

nontourage n. A group of undesirable sycophants. ("The party was fun until Justin showed up with his nontourage.")

pharmasecrecy n. The secret bond one has with her pharmacist. ("Only Mr. Myers knows the truth about my little Klonopin/Paxil/laxative habit.")

showflake n. Person who chronically misses every appointment (e.g., haircuts, doctor visits, dinners). ("Is Louisa going to show, or is she pulling a showflake again?")

SoDeeWah n. Socialite/designer/whatever. The model/actress/ whatever of the '00s. You know the type.

staremaster n. Gym dandies who constantly check themselves out in the mirror. ("If that staremaster touches his pecs one more time ...")

helicopter girl/boyfriend (n.) A significant other who finds it necessary to hover around his or her mate at all times. ("I'd love to come to girls' night, but my helicopter probably won't let me out of his sight.")

teenile (adj.) Used to describe someone who is way too old for what she is wearing. ("That 45-year-old woman is wearing low-cut jeans. Is she crazy of just teenile?")

blamestorming (n.) A meeting whose sole purpose is to discuss why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

mouse potato (n.) The wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

carat dangler (n.) A woman who finds it of utmost importance to flaunt her engagement/wedding ring at all times. ("Who does that carat dangler think she's impressing? Like I've never seen a rock before.")

resigoo (n.) The residual stuff stuck to you after a bikini wax.

Girleen (n): 1. A young sassy woman. Also used as a term of affection for a good friend: "Hey, girleen, you are an inspiration to us all."

Swish (adj): 1. Very suave, smooth, or cool: "Wow, you're looking awfully swish this eve," or "Wow, I saw Amy last night, and, gee, she was so swish in her fantastic shoes!"

Shoppings (n): 1. The product amassed from a day out at the shops. (A term discovered at Fifth Avenue and 56th Street on a recent summer day amid of gaggle of tourists. Woman, holding up Barneys bag: "Babette! Look at my shoppings!")

Mwah (v): 1. A sound uttered in protest (when "waaahhh" becomes too whiny). 2. A kissing sound, most commonly used at the close of a letter in lieu of "xoxoxoxo."

Skew-wiff (adj): 1. All messy, disheveled. Colloquial British term somehow derived from "askew" (pronounced Skeeeeewiff): "Her hair was all skew-wiff; she looked like she'd just woken up."