Eeewwww! You're barking Up The Wrong Site...

Yesterday, I got a sweet e-mail from a new bride in Texas thanking me for posting the "wedding kiss picture" on my business site. She and her new husband had run off a copy of it, given it to their photographer, and they took a similar portrait of their own on their wedding day. They were so pleased with the results that she wanted to thank me for the idea.

I wrote her back and told her I was thrilled that all had worked out with the portrait and asked her how she had come upon my picture. She wrote back and said that she had searched the internet looking for "wedding kiss" and my business site popped up.

I was perplexed. How would she have found this random picture on my business site? It has no caption. There is no reference to it anywhere. It's just the header of my bridal registry.

So last night I went to my business site to peruse the stats and see what people are looking for when they find me on a search engine. I provide fine linens embroidered with monograms and US Seals to embassies, members of Congress, etc. I also take 12 commissions a year to make elegant heirloom clothing for children to wear for special occasions. So the most common searches were predictable: girls dresses, baby dress, French heirloom clothing, fine monogrammed linens, etc.

However, I was surprised to find that 32 people had clicked on my site after searching for "wedding kiss". Huh? How would that random picture show up on a search engine? The words "wedding kiss" never appear on the page. The answer? I had named the portrait "wedding kiss"when I uploaded it from my computer. If you put the mouse over the picture, "wedding kiss.jpg" does appear. Hmmm...search engines are strange.

So I decided to check the other search definitions people use to find my site. I found it peculiar and slightly unsettling that six people searched for the name of my 9-year-old son, which I could have just written off as coincidence had four people not also searched for my 7-year-old who has an uncommon family name. Having had stalkers following us around in the past (mostly women who felt it was their destiny to marry my husband), that revelation made my skin crawl.

What was even stranger, though, were the really sick things people search for and click on my business site hoping to find. Why do search engines put MY SITE up in response to these queries? The "Eeeewwww" factor is ENORMOUS! I wrote down 40 disgusting search definitions, but will only share a few here:

Little girls with pretty feet (a recurring theme that included French and Latina feet, as well)

boys in dresses (another theme--for the record there are no boys in dresses on my site)

boys in pretty pink dresses (still, no luck here)

hot moms and daughters (none of those either...I only sew for children)

girlie boy gallery (Thanks Arnold! I mean, Governor....)

good girls who are shams (Huh?)

Where can I find the cute girls? (This guy needs help that Ask Mr. Jeeves can't provide)

Where to party with hot girls (How about "cute girls"? You and guy above should hook up)

mean girls dress up (Sorry...I only let nice girls dress up on my site)

Look under skirt (GROW UP!)

Wedding dresses for boys (Out of luck TOTALLY on that one)

Hot boys at the Embassy (Obviously, one of those parties that we didn't get invited to)

Elegant monogram tattoos (Aaahhh, now THAT's a classy idea)

Scary, huh?